Last week I was talking to a friend who I hadn’t spoken to in a long time. With me moving to London, and my friend changing her relationship status, we touched all the possible topics, from weather in each of our locations, to how noticeable cultural differences are when dealing with men. As we see things differently, and have very opposed ideas about the “men-women” relationship, we couldn’t come up with a structured justification for that statement. However, we did both agree on something. We have come to the conclusion that western men are a lot more “reserved” towards women, compared to what we’re both used to, being born and raised in Eastern Europe. That got us into another discussion about ways men approach women, what they do, what they say, and why they say it, or why they don’t say what they need and want to.
A few days later, AVON contacted me and challenged me to discuss a very unusual, but quite interesting topic on my blog, as a part of their ANEW Reversalist line campaign, the “right and wrong compliments”. Though a little skeptic at the beginning, my inner feminist Doina got me into thinking. Since I’ve been wanting to discuss more personal topics regarding our lives as women with you, why not? It is something I have been discussing with my friends, and it is a topic I’m sure many women have something to say about.
From my experience, I can say that there is no such thing as a general “right” or “wrong” compliment. (now to be clear, i don’t count “oh you look so round like a donut” or “you look so skinny like a skeleton” as being compliments). The same words can be as sweet as they can be bitter for various women. It is crucial to understand a woman’s personality in order to seduce her heart. I am a living example of that. I’ve often found myself in the situation when after a long intelligent conversation with the opposite sex, they’d turn around and say something like “Oh, did I tell you how sexy you look tonight?”. Really? We’ve just discussed Nietzsche’s Ubermensch, the Great Schism, Astrophysics, and all you want to say is how attractive my body, dress and make-up look? I’m sorry, but we’ll have to end our evening here.
Sometimes adjectives like “smart”, “intelligent”, “impressive”, bring a woman a lot more satisfaction than complimenting her appearances. However, you have to know when to switch to discussing her beauty. I know, how complicated are we! But unfortunately for you, dear men, that’s how we are, so either love us like this, or don’t.
From what I’ve discussed with my friends, they do not mind such words as “hot”, “babe” or “sexy”, on the contrary, they are very flattered to be called that way. While someone with more “classical” views like me, would feel a little offended and underappreaciated, desiring to hear something as simple and fascinating as “beautiful”.
I touched a similar topic a while ago in my “Confessions of a Woman”. As strong and confident as we want to appear, every woman needs to be shown admiration and affection pretty often. The lack of attention makes us sensitive and anxious without any particular reason. Therefore, a man should understand a woman well enough to know what and when to say.
But regardless what anyone else says, you are there to love and appreciate yourself. Always remember to treat your body, skin, health, heart, mind, with all the attention you need. Love yourself, and those around you will love you too!
P.S. Avon & I look forward to your opinion on this topic! And maybe even suggestions on what we can talk about in the future!
Photos: Daniel Dykes